Those Darn Cows...

I don't usually post Alec's letters to me... just the ones to family... however, this one needed to be shared! :) -Darlene

Dear Mommy,

Soooo...on Friday I was driving home from district meeting...going 38 in a 40 mile-an-hour zone...but...apparently it was a school zone and I got zappered in a speed trap by four motorcycle cops on foot. It was actually quite the operation...hiding in bushes and the whole shebang.... I even had to wait in line to get my ticket. Anyway my ticket is $146.50 and I only have $102.06 on my home card. I was wondering if there was any way that I could get an approximate 50% one-time increase in my fundage. That would be exceedingly appreciated.... If not, I can see if I can get permission to pay it from my mission card. I don't spend very much money at all and I have a great deal left over from previous months, but I'm supposed to pay for traffic fines with my home card. I would like to get it taken care of fairly quickly as it is like unto a great anvil hanging over my head preparing to crush me under its elephantine mass of iron molecules.... I am as sorry as a horsie that ran too fast through the field where the horsie did not know that the teacher horsies were teaching the little horsies how to frolic and got a ticket from the cows but did not have enough oats to pay the fine and since it always just eats hay which the farmer said it is not supposed to give away and since it has no opposable thumbs it has no way to gather more oats on its own and has to ask the beautiful show horsies for some of their oats that they won by working hard to win the races and feels very very very sorry that it has to ask the beautiful show horsies for some of their hard-earned oats but cannot see any other possible solution since although the horsie understands English the farmer does not understand horsie and cannot therefore give the horsie permission to pay the fine with hay which the horsie has in abundance because it is very careful with the hay that it does get instead of oats which they horsie has some of because it eats them only sparingly but not enough and needs approximately 50% more in order to pay the fine. That is very, very, very sorry, by the way....

Love,
Elder Elder Raymond